Self-Centered

Engrossed in self; selfish; egotistical

Egotists are always me-deep in conversation. Anonymous

Do you wish men to speak well of you? Then never speak well of yourself. Pascal

I have no knowledge of myself as I am, but merely as I appear to myself. Immanuel Kant

  It is easy for us to observe self-centered behavior in others. It is an undesirable personality trait and we are usually “put off” by it. The person who exhibits this behavior is trying to gain our respect and is trying to convince themselves, as well, of their deserving the admiration they seek.

  Both consciously and subconsciously we are turned off and repulsed by their efforts to convince us of their great deeds, exploits, looks, money, and a long laundry list of things they are using to impress us. Instead of the desired results of winning our praise and admiration, we are driven away. The old adage of “not blowing your own horn” is profoundly true. Those they resort to having to proclaiming their own accolades will tend to not hear them from anyone else. Everyone else is driven away by the obnoxious noises they make.

   Self-centered individuals have a problem with their choices of pronouns. Instead of using “we” or “you” they are stuck on the over-usage of “I”. They have a compulsion to tell others only about themselves. There is a problem with their memory as well. When recounting their deeds and victories, others having anything to do with their success are left out of the story. Everything is told from the “I” and “me” perspective.

   The psychology of this relates to self-concept, self-esteem, self-love and others. Self-centered individuals have significant problems with insecurity, loneliness, inadequacies, and last, but not least, feeling unlovable. This is a defense-mechanism behavior that is instinctive. It is an appeal for love and acceptance; often resulting in the opposite, driving people away instead of closer.  

    All of us want to be loved, appreciated, and told that we are worthwhile. Often the techniques we use to seek acceptance result in us feeling worse rather than better. If we want others to let us know they appreciate us, we need to make them feel good about themselves. We replace “I” with “You”. Being known as a good listener is one of the most desirable personality traits we can possess. This means we should talk less and listen much more. Sometimes we do not have to say a word and people with admire and respect us.  

   Our society promotes selfishness. To grow and become the best that we can become; we must overcome being “selfishly” self-centered and become more concerned about others.

Challenge: Some of the most important things you can do are to be aware of your tendencies to say “I”, being selfish, “me” oriented and anything that centers on “you” instead of on others. You will win friends and influence others by caring and being concerned about their well-being. If you will do this, others will be concerned about you and your well-being. Give yourself to others and you will get in return. It is that simple.

Wisdom:  Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung

Spiritual: (NIV)

The fear of the Lord teaches man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. Matthews 23:12

A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23

Love is the answer to relationship issues both with others as well as ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, we have problems loving others. If we do not feel loved, our ability to love is handicapped. God is the answer to these problems. God is love. His love is beyond our ability to comprehend. He loves us. He loves us so much that he died on the cross to save us. If someone loves us so much, how could we possibly feel unlovable?

Prayer: Help me more fully comprehend “love”. Help me to love myself and to love others.

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