Complaining

Expressing dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or even pain; resentment over circumstances, health, problems

We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed. Thomas Fuller

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.  Proverb

Man spends his life in reasoning on the past, in complaining of the present, in fearing the future.  Antoine Rivarol

  Complaining is not the most effective means of seeking solutions to our problems. ‘Complainers’ are often looked upon with disfavor. Too much complaining can be harmful to our overall well-being. It is often confrontational in nature and can adversely affect our relationships with friends and loved-ones.

     Seldom is complaining constructive. Primarily it is a negative and destructive force. This is because of the attitude and spirit in which it is done. What causes us to complain? What is the motivation behind those that we call ‘chronic’ complainers?  What is the difference between complaining and problem solving? There are those who are addicted to complaining and crying “woe is me!” Some people’s comfort zone is so small that being a chronic complainer allows them to maintain their victim status and gives them an excuse to “wallow in their misery”. They do nothing to improve their circumstances. Chronic complaining is a condition to be avoided.

     Complaining done in a negative and thoughtless manner tends to bring on defensive thoughts and actions in those we complain to. People have enough problems of their own and do not need any additional problems to deal with. Often as we complain we do so with an attitude. We pass on our bad attitude to those we complain to. This is called ‘kicking the cat syndrome”. If we wish to express our concern or dissatisfaction over an issue, it should be done calmly, constructively, and non-threateningly. This is more likely to get desired results. If this does not work, it may require a more assertive and confrontational approach, but only as a very last resort.

      Remember how we respond when someone approaches us confrontationally and complains. We are unlikely to be very concerned or willingly cooperative. Our defensive barriers and shields have gone up. When tempted to complain, we should always ask ourselves, why I am complaining in the first place? We should do a reality check on our attitude. Am I seeking solutions to problems or complaining about circumstances?  Always try to be “cool, calm and collected”. Our bad and ‘nasty’ attitude is contagious and passes on. It can become an epidemic.

      Always try to be a part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. They are plenty of complainers and not enough ‘fixers’. Many of our complaints are unimportant. Do not be a complainer, be a problem solver.

Challenge:  Are you a complainer; or even a chronic complainer? Complaining is not a positive force in your life. Change your attitude and thought processes. Be conscious of your emotions and “triggers”. Be kind and considerate as much as is possible. Even if you have to be more assertive, do not lose your ‘cool’ and pass on a poisonous attitude to someone else. Honey works better than vinegar. Seek solutions; do not add to the problem.

Wisdom: My tragic view of life… leads me to have little patience with the chronic complaining I hear in modern society from people who have so much, yet act as if life and society have conspired to oppress them.  Dennis Prager

Spiritual: (NIV):

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.  Proverbs 16:32

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  Proverbs 15:1

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.  Proverbs 19:11

Anything not done in a spirit of love and not guided by the Golden Rule is misguided. We should always treat others as we want to be treated. We complain too much and are not grateful enough for our many blessings. God wants us to be active and dynamic and doing our part to make the world a better place. He wants us to spread his love. The world needs a lot less complaining and a lot more kindness, goodness and acts of love. 

Prayer:  Help me to let go and let you. Help me to use this day wisely and to help make a difference.

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