Self-Centered

PelicanEngrossed in self; selfish; egotistical; me syndrome

Egotists are always me-deep in conversation. Anonymous 

Do you wish men to speak well of you? Then never speak well of yourself. Pascal 

I have no knowledge of myself as I am, but merely as I appear to myself. Immanuel Kant

It is easy for us to see and observe self-centered behavior in others. It is an undesirable personality trait and we are usually “put off” by it. The person who exhibits this behavior is trying to gain our respect and is trying to convince themselves, as well, that they deserve the admiration they seek.

Both consciously and subconsciously we are turned off and repulsed by their efforts to convince us of their great deeds, exploits, looks, money, and a long laundry list of things they are using to try to impress us. Instead of the desired results of winning our praise and admiration, we are driven away. The old adage of “not blowing your own horn” is profoundly true. Those they resort to having to proclaiming their own accolades will tend to not hear any accolades from anyone else. Everyone else is driven away by the obnoxious noises they make.

Self-centered individuals have a problem with their choices of pronouns. Instead of “we” or “you”, they are stuck on over-usage of “I” or “Me”. They have a compulsion to tell others only about themselves. There is a problem with their memory as well. When recounting their deeds and victories, others having anything to do with their success are mostly left out of the story. Most everything is told from the “I” and “me” perspective.

The psychology of this relates to self-concept, self-esteem and self-love. Self-centered individuals have significant problems with insecurity, loneliness, inadequacies, and last, but not least, their feeling unlovable. This is defense-mechanism behavior that is instinctive. It is an appeal for love and acceptance; often resulting in only the opposite, driving people away instead of closer.

Everyone wants to be loved, appreciated, and worthwhile. Often these misguided techniques we use to seek acceptance result in our feeling worse rather than better. If we want others to tell us they appreciate us, we need to make sure they first feel good about themselves. We replace “I” with “You”. Being known as a good listener is one of the most desirable personality traits we can possess. This means we should talk less and listen much more. Sometimes we do not ever have to say a word and people with admire and respect us.

Our society promotes selfishness. To grow and become the best that we can become; we must overcome being “selfishly” self-centered and become more concerned about others.

Challenge: One of the most important things you can do are to be aware of your tendencies to say “I” or “Me”. Being selfish, “me” oriented and anything that centers on “I” does not win true friends. You win friends and influence others by caring and being concerned about their well-being. If you can do this, others will be concerned about you and your well-being. Give yourself to others and you will get their attention in return.

Wisdom:Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung

Spiritual: (NIV)

The fear of the Lord teaches man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. Matthews 23:12

A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23

Love is the answer to relationship issues both with others as well as with ourselves. If we cannot truly love ourselves, we have problems loving others. If we cannot feel loved, our ability to love is handicapped. God is the answer to “love” problems. God is love. His love is beyond our ability to comprehend. He loves us. He loves us so much He died on the cross to save us. If God loves us, it is okay for us to learn to love ourselves.

Prayer: Help me to more fully comprehend “love”. Help me to truly love myself and to truly love others. 

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